this is wierd

it needs to be said that, i am bothered that me and jessica arent friends anymore.

forgiveness

I have to try real hard to think that anyone would miss me if i were gone.


meanwhile,
my insecurities are ripping us to shreds. we have no backbone and i'm filling you up with anger and frustration. i don't want to hurt the one boy i have ever loved but thats what you get for dealing with a selfish suicidal B.

I love you

"lies and bullshit
and bullshit and lies
you'd think i'd give up
after so many tries
but my finger's on the trigger
and my eyes are on the prize"

I'm sick

very very sick.

sick

I just remembered!

this isn't in the order you think it's in

1. Your self confidence makes me want to puke, and even though we dont talk very much anymore i wonder if its wrong of me to think that i should be the one to tell you that "your not attractive, and making me or anyone else feel less like it is just a waste. you make yourself look dumb".

2. I dont see you anymore. I dont want to see or talk to you anymore. I dont need to write this nice 'i miss you' paragraph when in reality it all really boiled down to this: "she's too busy shooting up". wrong choice of words asshole.

3. I'm afraid to leave you. If i leave, or you lose me than i feel like no one will be there. your beautiful. your a star. your dance moves brighten every one of my bad days. dont leave even when you really really want to.

4. He's a scumbag, and you deserve only the best. i know it seems like i'm jealous or just being a straight up bitch but you need to know i just care beyond the level i should be caring. KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW.

5. Your one of the best things i've ever had. When god handed me you, i knew that it was going to be the best and the worst and too much all at the same time. I was right and these months have felt like years but in the best way possible. If i had wishes unlimited it would be to continue to make you the happiest you've ever been. everything will get better. hold onto me.

6. I'm glad you didnt leave me. even when i was a monster bitch you were here and aware of what it was that was going on. you take me in and out and try to cure the disease i cannot rid. your probably one of the best friends i've ever had because truth is you know it just as well as i do.

p.s.
i'll make it up to you

7. You've always been there and you will continue to be there. I can't explain in words how much you mean to me. sisters for life and til death do us part. your the best twin anyone could ask for.


I dont think anyone else deserves one

let's sleep til' the sun burns out

Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love

In and out we go and hide from how we feel. I'm confused and I shouldn't be. These dreams are getting thicker in length. blank screens and tears fall, but when will OUR curtain finally fall?



As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there

As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there

Won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see it
So long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
So long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this

I'm beginning to get where everyones coming from when they tell me to pick up my frown. I can only bask in my own realizations. I love this heat, and this sunshine but this wind is making me feel unusual.

I can't help but wonder if i'm the reason for all my friends falling so short on hope...

i'm unusual

I see that I write really depressing things. This may or may not leave a bad impression on me. The new year. The new me.
I think its time I find my faith.

I have admitted I'm depressed and in the clinical sense way beyond when I should have started therapy and medication. I feel so bad for the poeple who put up with me daily. Especially the boy I love the most. I guess what i'm trying to say is thank you, and maybe you can squeeze out an "i'm sorry".

we're not here

something is missing.

I can tell everyone around me is getting tired of the whole catch and release method I'm working on.
Things have been getting better, but the confusion level in my life seems to deepen to the point where i cant see it.


I can tell you that i love you but i can't force you to believe it. you didn't call back and you never do. katy, you don't know what your talking about. i can always try to convince myself that he loves me as much as i love him but it wont ever stick like its supposed to. I don't like being in love and i don't think i ever will. things seem to worsen every week. all i wanted and want was you. I'm afraid. what if. what if, this never goes away?

i deserve to be happy. i deserve to be happy. i deserve to be happy, but everything else in this universe is proving that statement completely wrong. I guess its just one of those days, weeks, months...

i can't keep living like this. If i stay this way I will die.

The Honey & the Moon

If your not happy without me then this means something. It has to.
You've been away from me for a week exactly. i miss everything about you.
Your faces, your smiles, and that tiny body wrapping over a gigantic heart.

Remember when we first met
and everything was still a bet
in love's game
you would call; I'd call you back
and then I'd leave
a message
on your answering
machine

But right now
everything is turning blue,
and right now
the sun is trying to kill the moon,
and right now
I wish I could follow you
to the shores
of freedom,
where no one lives


I miss you. we miss you, and i cant stress enough how much i miss you. Love has become something i can't explain when it comes to you, and i'm taking that as a compliment. I need you right now, but I think you switching up the game and all is a wonderful idea. we're strong again. and as i concluded:If you weren't real i'd probably make you up.

for all the lovers who

I'ts been 5 days and I cannot control the tears

this is the worst new years of my life, but the best at the same time.
You have no idea how much i miss you.
COME HOME