Tuesday, December 2, 2008

it just goes to show me

that life isn't so beautiful off of drugs. There is a harsh reality to everything i touch isnt there?
If i only lived in that world james lives in, where he can make everything so big so tiny and just expect everything to crawl to him, and in the end. somehow it does. it always does. maybe he's just lucky.
You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'
I will continue to be a dreamer, a wisher, and a believer. it's just getting harder for my kind isnt it. those of us stuck on shutting our eyes in order to see are realizing that we may need to open them more often.

I have been reading up, and not really catching up on my friend katy conti, and to see that some guy fucked her over makes me extremely mad. shes an amazing person and to think this asshole can attempt to do something like this makes me want to scream. although i do not see why she would drop a single tear for him i still must say i know the feeling. i'm sorry sweetie, if your reading this i am so sorry.

meanwhile, i tried to breakup with james. i begged him to mouthe the words change and it was me who in the end shouted it. I can't make him who I want him to be. i can see him and wish and stay the dreamer or know that i have the oppurtunity to find someone else to give me the time anyone who could try deserves. i dont want to do that, but i can't be alone anymore. i cant do THIS on my own.
it can't always be about me.

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