I can't remember life before depression.
I always felt a lot more 'down' then the rest, and now that i stop and realize it its kind of sad. I have no background time where i was actually happy, and it's emberrassing. I dont want to be the sickly depressed psych ward girl that your friends with. Im not even sure I want to exist at all anymore. God damnit, this doesnt make any sense but, i cant find anyways to express how lonely i feel right now. lately.
why am i feeling this way? I'm taking five steps backward and it's all going down what everyone is building up for me. FOR ME. I'm an idiot.
but...
I guess we are doing good. We fight we make up and its like a game to me sometimes, but i dont even enjoy it anymore. I dont want to be in love with him but i am in love with him. Jesus H. Christ i am in love with him. But somethings missing. still.
i'm off house arrest but it still feels like jail.
THIS DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU
1 comment:
This means something to me, though.
You need to talk to me about things like this. It seems like you do enough talking when you write, and when you talk to Jessica and your boyfriend, but I am here, too.
I know what you are going through and I love to listen to you. I love you and it pains me that you have this..disease? I don't know. You need to just start talking, talk talk talking about it.
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