for the homies

Everything is sort of closing in. Not completely in a bad way...BUT....
He isn't even in the process of trying to realize how badly he's hurting everyone else around him. Something like this is inexcuseable and if you were me then you'd feel the same way.

My friends and closest 'enemies' are trying to make me understand that i am not the best to be around and my lifestyle needs some sort of change, soon if not now. I have come to the conclusion to agree and start over. I'm giving christ a chance to wash away whatever it was i decided to form my life into. I'm sick of being the lazy girl who lives in the shit hole she stays dwelling in. i wont stay here and i hope this is worth enough, i hope that my words can be worth enough this time around. i need more help then i thought i did.
I'm reaching out. i swear i am.

I miss my mom, and she hasn't called. i think the reason I'm so afraid to call her is because maybe she has nothing 'good' to say and maybe thats all i really want to hear. obviously I'm not in the 100% frame of mind i'd like to be in. she needs to understand it eventually. i need to understand THIS eventually. if she doesn't, if i don't, we will surely die out.

Me and him,
we are pulling along and although I keep repeating the 'i love you' and the 'baby's' i still feel like i mean every word of them. i absolutely and positively still adore everything about him. he's even better then when i met him and i keep repeating how proud i am of the person he is growing into. he is becoming bigger than he thinks, and even if no one else is noticing then ill make sure to say i am. he is beautiful and amazing and i want him to feel like how i feel about himself. He's almost over this obsticle and I'm so proud of the prayer he's been doing and how much he's been trusting in God. I pray this doesn't change. i pray this will only get better.

everything is sort of looking kind of more like potential rather than a burden. finally.