"As I look at all the relationships around me; Some that have gone on forever, some re ignited, some new, I realize it should have been me."

I dont know what happens next. Im going to just keep loving and making mistakes because im only human. Im sorry i never got to say that i will be eternally greatful for ever meeting you. For ever touching you. For showing me the good in myself. For calming me down even if it was in the past. I wont forget you. Dont turn into shit. I promise i wont.

Just because you live in camarillo...

Im stuck here in between the shadows of my yesterday

I found the boy of my dreams.

I leave for rehabilitation soon. Of course ill try and update this to remember this piece of me.

Where are we? Where are you?

I have to say it loud enough for the world to hear. Its getting late, and the night keeps moving on. It takes me in and brings me home. Its getting late and i cant deny how it feels like this. Im going to open up, i cant stop now. Wide awake getting my kicks while i can but your watching over the moments that make up your life. Its getting late. Sunrise sunrise you couldnt come at a better time.

I really hope you and i make it.

What really makes me sad is that i never had a chance to say goodbye. I never had the chance to justify, and you never had the chance to listen.

Things are getting heavy, but Good news is on the way.

This thing is gonna kill me. I need to try and get something for the pain. 123 pounds and its all just repeating. Im trying to grasp the song played on your piano. It Kills me to see you, you werent always attractive. But after over a year im done trying to stop you. No ones gonna fix this no one can. No one will listen, Two ways to tell a story but adds up to one single word. Two different voices coming out of your mouthe. I had a dream Or it was more like a nightmare. 123 pounds and its all just repeating.

I wonder if heaven got a ghetto?

I'd like to think life ends up with the choices you made along the way. Just like The choice to let someone else help you for a change. In the end you just have to trust your zen. And just be done with that.

I cant believe i dropped the ball at a time like this. My teams losing and Im running and running but they keep catching up. I lost and i dont know i really dont know if i can make a comeback. Once again im in a rut, and theyres no stopping the judgement from the audience. No stopping them from eating me alive.

If someone tells me they miss me one more time i will birth a cow...shutup and hit me up then!

"Im gonna do what I want, cause I do what i want everyday. Why in the hell should I stop drinkin whatevers in my cup? People need to mind they're own business. I dont care if its heroin in my cup...bitch its MY cup"

What is there anymore? To be or not to be. Im on the road to recovery.

How mindless and apathetic have i become? It would be so easy to just pack up and leave Just to hire some guy with a machine to erase that horrible memory. Those horrible people. Those horrible things. like in that one movie, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

Ive become extremly tired.

I'm safe high. :) "When its good its good til it goes bad. Im looking for myself, sober."

As the next song switches, I hang back. I want to see this as well as be a part of it. I want to remember it for what it is. I am amazed by the love I feel for so many people. I am amazed at the randomness, the comedy, and the faith that brings us all together and makes us hold on. I open myself wide to take it all in. The scene plays out like a rhapsody. And i think to myself, what a wonderful world.