i have come to the conclusion

there is sun shining and birds chirping. i will cope.

let me show you

if i may, my life.

so on and so on i keep trudding through my pain, sorrow, joy, etc. And there are people i owe my laughter and time to. I am probably not as alone as i claim to be and thank god for that.

I have jessica quayle and i couldnt be anymore excited about her.
If i could tolerate one blonde hair blue eyed person for the rest of my life, it would be jessica. She believes in me. And I'm a dreamer so it's so good to have somebody like that in my life. If she goes away, I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, she's my best friend, you know?...She's more than that...She's everything. wich sounds super lesbian but watevz you get the picture right jess dawg. one year gone by, and many more to come.



Love is just love, it can never be explained.




A sister is both your mirror - and your opposite.
I can't spend a day without you wich worries me because we both know eventually we wont be together. I'm sorry for everything. You mean the world to me and it's all true. Your gonna win and as much as I hate to admit it, i'll be right there with you. always. baby sister, best friend, and anything in between you have no idea how complete you make my life. Don't doubt it for a second.

i don't blame you

but i blame myself, its gone way too far.

They said you were the best,
But then they are only kids
Then you would recall the deadly houses you grew up in
Just because they knew your name,
Doesn’t mean they know from where you came
What a sad trick you thought that you had to play.
But I don’t blame you

They never owned it
And you never owed it to them anyway.

I don’t blame you.
i just want you to know that.

we are so young, and i'm in love with the thought of us. I understand it's not just you but mainly truly all me.
I'm not picking fights baby, i'm looking for something more than what i get, i made a huge mistake and for that i live alone. i walk with you and am still alone, i hold hands with you and still am alone. I just wish you knew how it felt. please feel how i feel. I dont know if i really am supposed to feel this way. please tell me this isnt it.

i'm afraid this is it. god damnit. i thought i was in love.



I'M LOSING IT. how blind you all seem.

I wont hide anymore.

I live my day in a bite sized surprise. I dont have very much say in what goes on, even in the small ecosystem I, myself form.
My days grow longer by time and shorter by light, just like everyone elses and i find myself losing it.
I don't make any sense to all of everyone who existed in my life just last year around this time. I waste my thoughts on the thoughtless and frankly, it is sad. very very sad.
I miss a lot of everything i have lost. I am so sorry mom.

LAST night,
i felt good, and it was a change. I am happy for that change. thank god for that change.
I have been living too slow, and not slow enough.
The earth, I will not let my emotions get in the way any longer.
I am sorry baby, ladies and gentleman. I lead some of you on far too much and I am exhausted.
All i want are him and them, and i leave myself repeating:


It's the best thing that you've ever had, the best thing that you've ever, ever
had.
It's the best thing that you've ever had; the best thing you've had has gone away

I wasn't so much as scared but confused.

I bide my time

Pick at the petals, play the good best friend.

You ask me what I'm looking for and I outline you
you don't recognize the shape, offer other names

You say my time will come, and I hope


I know this is how the world works.

It would be funny if it wasn't my heart

She is the weakness you think of as strength

While I am the strength you have no idea is there.


I am the one who knows who you are.

I want you to be happy

And you could be happy

With me.

your secrets

I'm not the safest person, and definately not the brightest. I don't know my right from my left. I set everyone apart and acuse them one by one until they are all fed up. No one tells me what i am to my face, but lets the wind carry it instead.
I keep preaching the same tune over and over again and i'm starting to wonder myself why.
I'm going to die alone. Jesus christ i am always all alone.


"I know you'll come in the night like a thief
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up
(everyone now)
So do you think that we could work out a sign
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try
I know you'll come for the people like me
But we all got wood and nails,
Trying to turn our hate in factories
But, we all got wood and nails
Trying to turn our hate in factories
Yeah, we all got wood and nails
Trying to turn out hate in factories
Yeah, we all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine"


I miss him whenever he isnt with me, and this contest of wether who can prove it better is getting real old. I dont know wether i should throw in the towl or get used to the taste of sweat.

I am tired of watching you when your happy and feel completely exhausted with just watching. we're both on different roads and i know wich one of us is going to make it. I know. I know your plans of yours keep you warm, i can hear your laugh from here. But lately im finding out its just not for me.

Take my advice and stay away from broken people.

Everyone around me is losing it.
I start to notice that when I wake up I wake up happy, feeling good... but then I get very depressed, because I'm living in reality. and It seems the things I've wanted in my life I've never had. And so it's no surprise that living only leaves me sad. Happiness, where are you? I've searched so long for you. Happiness, what are you? I haven't got a clue. Happiness, why do you have to stay... so far away... from me?

I know; we know its not your problem, but everythings falling apart and i swear i'm the only one seeing it. I see it in slow motion and its everyday. I'm not crazy or emotionally challenged. I'm Just Not Blind. I'm the only one in dyer need in this world to have their eyes ripped out. I just dont understand if this was the 'plan' or not.

I felt for you

while I watched you sleep.

We're just strangers sharing beds with memories with talking heads. Our bodies fell apart and made an awful mess. And now you're falling out of your dress clothes into the arms of oh who knows. If memory serves me well I miss you

undecided.

I am starting a new. I wont give up on my good times or even my bad.
If i have to keep repeating this i will. Promise. As for the rest I have given up. School please interest me.

I can't get you out of my head. I dont want to.
I love you so much it stuck, your stuck with me.
God I love you. Please keep loving me.

right now.

I am simple. I am plain, and I'm informed so on a regular basis. But I guess that's just another piece of who i am. Low-key. Low-key with a lot to say.

this rain has got a lot to explain.